PamelaC posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 4:25am
UM ??? I've read this, not too long ago I think. You sure you didn't post it?
LynnTerald posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 3:24am
prateek91 posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 2:34am
Good one....update soon!!!
00_Knight posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 2:10am
Interesting beginning to a Harry/Betrayal story line. If I were Harry, I'd probably have found a gun, some ammo, and "let" them find me. Especially to the prick that is Albus Dumbledore. (laugh)
Anyway its good to hear from you again, like Jeconis I thought you were dead or on vacation. Now its time to get back to pleasing your readers again! (smirk) Ah well, like I said, interesting story so far, though will it be a H/Hr story? or will Harry find his own way with Kaatje Houghtailing?
Hmmm, guess I'll just have to wait and see. Been doing that for a couple of years now, (grin) just have fun when you're doing whatever it is you do. Whether its fanfiction or something in the real world.
Luke Reed posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 2:09am
This is a great start to a longer story.
It will be interesting to see how many of the character you make dark, and how many, like Hermione, are being controlled. I've read stories that have most or all of Harry's friends turn on him, which were written well enough to be believable. I find what you have written believable, except for one part, and look forward to more.
I really hope he is able to get his money away from the goblins, and hopefully, stay away from the Order and Hogwarts.
I could almost see him running into the Delecours (SP? sorry), but the way you are developing this is better, especially since that family now has links to the Weasley's, who are either in Dumbledor's pocket, or controlled.
The only issue I had with this story, and it's not a large one, is when he meets the woman in Amsterdam, Ms Kaatje. Seeing as he has so far been betrayed, and he must know now that he has, by what Dumbledor did to him, and how he can't get his money, and what he friends said to him in their letter's (even if he doesn't know they are perhaps being controlled), why would he so easily trust another person, one he has no knowledge of. Also, she seemed to know too much. Perhaps she knew who he was, by why he looked like, he is famous in Briton at least, but how would she know who the letter was from?
I can see that scene working, just not the way it's written.
Other then that one thing, I rather like what you have started here, and look forward to more.
It will be interesting to see how you develop Harry Potter. He seems to have something I've seen called Mage Sight, the ability to see magic, or at least some of it, in different forms. It seemed like he was able to see the wards on the Dursley Home. (I would never call that place his house, even from Cannon, but that is my opinion, and I hope you don't mind.) And he could see through the cloaks. He seemed to be able to see when the Portkey was destroyed, but he wasn't able to see it on the letter, though he didn't actually open it. Perhaps this ability will develop with time. I'm curious what else you will do to him. Even if this is all he gets, if he got some really good training, which he can afford, if he can get at his money, he would be a force to reckon with, based on the DA club he ran.
Well, good luck with the writing. I'm looking forward to more.
gadriam posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 2:05am
Interesting start, and i look forward to the next installment. I really like him being alone and making new friends and wouldn't it be funny if the Gnomes of ZÃ¼rich put Gringotts in trouble for fiscal malfeasance (however that's spelled.)? That would lead to Dumbledore's authority being put in question. Another fun thing would be if Harry doesn't trust Hermione. At all. Her ways of convincing him of her honesty would most likely be well thought out, complicated an half unstated. They would involve implications, considerations and a lot of stuff that would pass Harry right by and he wouldn't believe her and she would tear her hair out. You could write that brilliantly, i bet. Ah well. Your outline, Your story, Your world and I'm content just following it.
witowsmp posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 1:59am
This looks like the beginning of a good story. I hope Harry refuses to fight Voldemort, realizing he's the lesser of two evils, until after Dumbledore is dead. Instead, he should concentrate on evacuating anyone in England worth saving and exposing Dumbledore for what he is. I think Dumbledore's death would release thousands of people from the Imperius curse, possibly even Riddle himself.
mwinter posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 1:57am
It seems like I have read this before. Have you posted this elsewhere? Also Harry seems to trusting for someone in somebody he doesn't know just after he found out that he can't trust the headmaster and the goblins since they turned him in to Dumbledore. Why would he trust anyone else so fast? I wouldn't. Remember he's was muggle raise. the cash taht he has could probably help him get to France's magical district and a wand maker there. why trust his wand from Britain. Then with the new wand a part time job (definitely of age to work part time) and some magic and he could hide out for quite some time. I doubt the magic of Hogwarts for sending out letters stretches to other countries.
LordNemesis posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 1:39am
Hi there Was beging to worrie that you were going to make Hermione turn on Harry now I know better. Ok Hermione needs to warn harry and get to him asap I think Hermione is now in danger. O and what the blank is up with tonks if she has betrayed Harry I think she should pay! So far I love this story and want more.
silvergoddess posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 12:34am
Wonderful story so far, hooked me right into it. I always like it when Harry manages to break the mold that people try to force him into. I'm also really glad that Hermione is still loyal to Harry, nice plot twist there ^_^ now to see what side Ron is on lol. Can't wait to read the rest!
AlaskanKing posted a comment on Thursday 21st January 2010 12:25am
I like it a lot. I wonder how many others Dumbles has under the Imperious? Look forward to reading more.
Jess Waugh posted a comment on Wednesday 20th January 2010 11:46pm
Great start! I'm looking forward to the next chapter. It will be interesting to see how you tie in the many lines of the plot. Although fast pasted you get the impression of anger and frustration that Harry is going through. And I love to see traditional characters like Tonks play a bad guy.
Papa MidNite posted a comment on Wednesday 20th January 2010 11:41pm
this is a pretty good twist, with Harry leaving the country and the goblins on Dumbledore's side. Keep up the good work.
Celexs posted a comment on Wednesday 20th January 2010 11:41pm
This seems like a good story so far, I really enjoy the betrayal stories. I look forward to seeing this updated.
Ph34r_n0_3V1L posted a comment on Wednesday 20th January 2010 11:11pm
Why the hell would a suspicious, on-the-run Harry confide in a random stranger? Moreover, why would he use Dumbledore, Sirius, or Pettigrew's names as if he expects the listener to know what the hell he's talking about. Harry's mannerism change way too fast - from clueless orphan to suave gentleman in like a day or two.
ladyimmortal posted a comment on Wednesday 20th January 2010 10:55pm
Awesome! Great to see a new story from you, Kins!
Ken Norton posted a comment on Wednesday 20th January 2010 10:10pm
David Thacker posted a comment on Wednesday 20th January 2010 9:52pm
Was this story finished before you posted it here I recall reading it elas where and can not recall if it was or where it was.
chameleon_530 posted a comment on Wednesday 20th January 2010 9:29pm
So far so good! I like it!
tsmuckitelly posted a comment on Wednesday 20th January 2010 9:27pm
Really good so far. Hope that you bring Hermione to Harry soon.