My Father's Image
Chapter 4
By Kinsfire
The stories in this grouping have been abandoned by me, and will not be worked on again.
Chapter 4
Harry was sitting in the drawing room reading when he heard someone appear in the front hallway. He stepped out to find out who it was, and was met by Remus. "Snape didn't make it," he said simply, and Harry staggered back a step.
"You mean …"
"Yes, Harry, you killed him." The werewolf's eyes blazed. "You have a history of doing that, don't you? Your parents are dead because of you, Cedric Diggory is dead because you exist, and you managed to kill Sirius with your hero's antics. My last friend in the world is dead because of your hero complex!" he bellowed. "And now you've murdered a teacher at Hogwarts!"
The last of the Marauders seem to change as Harry looked at him. The man seemed to grow, and it was too late to do anything when Harry realised that Remus was actually transforming into his werewolf form before his eyes. Harry was rooted to the spot, unable to move. All too soon, he was faced with a slavering wolf, which leapt at him. He screamed.
He was being smothered. He began to fight to free himself from Remus's attack, and found himself staring at a pair of breasts. Realising that he was free, he shimmied backwards, falling off the bed as he did. "What … who … where's Remus?" he finally panted. "I … oh God …" He suddenly reached for a waste receptacle and emptied his stomach's contents into it.
"You were dreaming, Harry," Lily cooed to him as he leaned into the waste bin. She had climbed from the bed and was now holding him as he retched. "It's all right. It was only a dream."
"Are you sure it was only a dream?" he gasped. "I had this horrible … Snape died, and Remus transformed after blaming me for everyone dying. Sirius, Snape, Cedric, and even you and Dad."
"Well, it didn't happen. Severus was healed, and Remus is in the study, looking over some of the journals. I think you should take a look through mine at some point, to be honest, while Moony and I look through the Slytherin and Ravenclaw ones."
Upon hearing that Remus was in the study, Harry got up and ran for the room. As he came to a stop before the room, he found himself worried. The dream had been far too real for his tastes. Remus opened the door, and Harry couldn't keep himself from flinching. "Harry? Are you all right?"
Harry shook himself. "No, I'm not. I just woke up from a far-too-real dream."
"Was it a Voldemort dream?" Remus asked in alarm.
"I don't think so - my scar isn't hurting. What I … what happened was … " He stopped and took a deep breath. "You came back into the house, told me Snape had died of the wounds I had inflicted, blamed me for all the deaths I've caused over the years, and then transformed and attacked me."
Remus went white. "Oh my God, Harry," he breathed. "I never … I don't blame you for any deaths that have happened. Even if Snape had died, it would have been his own fault, since he attacked you." He smiled, a sight containing no humour at all. "I'm giving serious thought to leaving the Order, Harry. Albus is already covering for the injury. Snape is too important to Dumbledore's cause to allow him to be hurt by accusations."
"Thereby validating the feeling that he has the right to torture students," Harry grumbled. "Unless he makes some changes in the way he treats that man, any relationship we had is gone. He is headmaster, and that is it." He paused. "I will lay money that he will return and insist that I take Occlumency lessons again, and he'll probably offer his own services up this time, since Snape and I are in such straits at the moment."
"Well, he is a master of the subject, I understand," Remus said with a frown.
"We have to trust him on that, to be honest. We should perhaps see if there are any books on the subject that can be explored."
"Do you want me to do that today?"
"Probably a good idea." Harry thought for a moment. "Remus, can I talk to you privately? I've got some … well, some 'guy' questions to ask you."
This drew a real smile from Remus. "Is it time for 'The Talk', Harry?"
"Good God, I hope not!" Harry replied. "I've heard stories about 'The Talk'. Can I assume that the purpose is to scar the child such that he simply doesn't even think about it without a horrified shudder?" Harry chuckled at the end. "Besides, it was a requirement in our school. Had it when I was ten. I know the mechanics of what goes where, and the dangers of not being careful."
"What can I help you with, then?" Remus asked with curiosity as they re-entered the study.
Harry locked and silenced the room. "Lily. I don't know what to do, Remus! I've woken up a few time to find her in my bed. We've not done anything, but my body is certainly informing the both of us that I'm ready to at a moment's notice. Considering I woke up yesterday spooned against her, and … uh, nonverbally stating my appreciation for her beauty, shall we say -"
"I won't wash your mouth out with soap if you use stronger language, Harry. Legally you're an adult now, so language isn't that big a worry. Have you talked to her about it?"
Harry snorted. "Oh yeah, I can see how that conversation would go. 'Uh, Lily? Could you stop sleeping in my bed naked? I'm having dreams about you and Hermione and a tub of whipped cream.' That would go over well."
Remus snorted. "I don't know. Lil would probably insist on buying the whipped cream. Can't speak for Hermione, though. I assume she doesn't know, either?"
"I only realised that I'm in love with her on the first, Remus, and haven't had a chance to talk to her yet. Besides, what's that going to do to our friendship? 'Hi, Hermione? I know we're best friends, but did you know that, along with being your friend, I'd really like to get into something more involving a statue of my mother, a large tub of whipped cream, and little to no clothing?' She'd set a land speed record, Remus, running away from me!"
"Are you so sure of that?" the werewolf asked.
"Remus, I'm the most dangerous man in England to be close to right now. Hermione is too damned smart to let herself fall for me." He stopped speaking suddenly, and then snorted. "Listen to me, sounding like I'm something worth dating. Cho cried when she kissed me, and they weren't tears of joy, let me tell you."
"She was mourning Cedric, Harry, and mistakenly using you as her connection back to him. Not fair to any of the three of you - you, her, or Cedric." Remus smiled. "Can't speak for your date-worthiness, but my personal belief is that Hermione may well surprise you."
"Not sure that's a good thing, considering a few of the dreams I've had about her."
"What, you've fantasised about her? Everyone does that about the girl they're interested in."
"Maybe, but what does it say when I have a fantasy about her where … Remus, I like her the way she is. Why am I having dreams where she's …" Harry blushed.
"Go ahead and say it, Harry. You're an adult in the eyes of the law, so you can use the adult words," Remus chuckled.
"She was … she was huge," Harry finally said, holding his hands at chest level. "Probably a C-cup, if I'm any judge, which I'm not." He scowled. "If I love her so much, why can't I be satisfied with the way she looks now? What makes it worse is that it was the only one of the dreams where we weren't … uh … weren't, well, naked. This was a normal kind of things dream - walking in the park, holding hands, just being together. So of course the only dream where I'm not trying to get into her knickers has her with bigger breasts. Doesn't say much for me and how I feel about her, does it? My own brain seems to think she's good for only one thing." He growled. "Not much of anything, am I? Can't be happy with my best friend the way she is, and I want to screw my own mother."
Remus scowled. "Harry, you grew up without family. The woman you've met is Lily Evans, with her love for James Obliviated. You're meeting the same woman that I wanked over during my school days. Yeah, I wanked over your mother. The woman you're getting to know is not Lily Potter, and never will be. She's the Lily Evans that I went to school with, who was the most popular girl in the school. I'd be surprised if you hadn't fallen for her, at least a little bit."
"And as for Hermione - you love her, right?" Harry nodded. "But you've also fantasised about what you think is the perfect body, and used her as your template, right?" Again, a nod. "So why worry about it? Do you have any intention of forcing her into 'perfecting her body'?"
"I'm not the type to say 'I love you, you're perfect, now change', Remus. I might think she'd be sexier with bigger breasts or a curvier rear end, but I fell in love with the girl with the smaller breasts. I'm happy the way she is right now."
"Then stop looking for things to beat yourself up about. It's senseless borrowing trouble when you have so much of it on your plate already. I can keep spouting platitudes at you all day, you know," Remus finished with a laugh.
Harry replied with his own. "I just might take you up on that someday and make you prove it. See how long you can go without repeating yourself."
Remus smiled at him. "To get back to the original point of the conversation - as far as your feelings toward Lily, you have to decide how far you want things to go with Hermione. For all intents and purposes, this statue is Lily. She remembers everything from our Hogwarts days, including a scenario that only she and I knew." He shook his head with a smile. "I think I'm falling for her all over again."
"How does she feel?" Harry asked. As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he'd phrased it wrong, because he could see 'Marauder' written in Remus' expression.
"You'll have to tell me, Harry - you're the one who wakes up with her." At Harry's blush, Remus added, "Actually, what I know of her … well, she's falling in love with you, Harry. I'll admit that I wish she could with me, but I'm now twice her age."
"Talk to her, Remus. She'll always be seventeen, physically speaking. See how she feels about you."
"On one condition, Harry - you talk to Hermione about your feelings when she gets here."
"Yeah - try peeling Ron away from her, though."
"We'll worry about that when they all get here. Don't borrow more trouble."
"Okay, okay," Harry said, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender. How about I start reading some of the journals?"
"I'd actually start with Lily's if I were you. Get a better idea of what your mother is like. She and I have been going through the others for cataloguing purposes. Give you a better idea of what you're looking for. Potions, look here, Charms, over here, Hexes, other there, that sort of thing. I am not about to tell you what you shouldn't read, if only because they're yours, and you're an adult."
"I trust you, Remus," Harry said simply. He grabbed her first year journal and headed to sit down. "Might as well start now, eh?" he smiled. Remus shook his head and went back to the Ravenclaw journals.
#####
May 23rd
Wow! I got a letter today that explained so much about what's been going on for the last few months! I've been accepted into a school that teaches magic! That's what I've been doing when I made Petunia's hair turn green, or that time that I tripped and fell out a window and ended up in the tree somehow.
I'm going to some school called Hogwarts, come this September. As usual, Petunia got ugly when she found out I was a witch. She never sees the stuff she does that gets Mum and Dad's attention , she just sees it when I get noticed. Bitch. (I hope Mum doesn't read this - hey, I wonder if I can lock this thing with magic … have to look into that …)
June 3rd
Birthday girl! I'm eleven today! I got all sorts of interesting things, especially since we went into the wizarding part of London to get my school things a few days ago. Mum and Daddy got me other things when I wasn't looking, it seems. I got a working model of the heavens, where you tap it with your wand to start it, and then point your wand at various spots to enlarge them. You can set it for a date and show what the sky looked like in a given place on a given day. I am so going to enjoy this!
Harry found many entries less interesting than these, learning quite a lot about the life of a young eleven year old girl, and discovering that it wasn't necessarily that much different from the life of an eleven year old boy. He read about Petunia's continued harassment of Lily, some of Lily's responses … Hmm, just realised that I haven't been back to get my things. I can't go back myself, because I know that Dumbledore will just find a way to lock me in there until September first - 'for my safety', of course. I understand the need for security, but I have no life with him in control! If only I had access to Dobby …
"Master Harry needs Dobby?" asked the house elf as he suddenly popped in before Harry. "Dobby will get Master Harry's things!" Harry was so shocked at the sudden arrival of the house elf that the journal he was reading shot skyward. "Dobby is sorry! Dobby did not mean to startle Master Harry! Bad Dobby! Bad, bad Dobby!" He began to smack his head against the table.
"Dobby, stop!" Harry said. "I apparently called you, so it's my fault I got startled. Don't blame yourself. Now, you say you can get all my things from the Dursleys?"
"Oh yes, Master!" Dobby replied, popping out again. Harry expected him at any time, so he didn't get too comfortable with the journal. He did get surprised by some of the entries, however.
October 1
Things changed today. Let's just say that I discovered there's more magic I can do with my wand than Charms.
I'd felt … weird all day. Tingly down between my legs, and my nipples got very sensitive. Even my softest silk blouse was painful. It felt like they were throbbing all day. Above and below. The throbbing below was sort of all over, but seemed to be stronger up near the front. (Top?) This sort of hard nub. It was almost itching me during a free period, so I used my wand to rub against it, since I learned the hard way a few months ago that you can draw blood if you scratch too hard, and that is not somewhere I want to scratch raw.
Well, I almost went through the roof when my wand touched me there. Before I knew it, I was rubbing hard and gasping, and then I saw stars. I could feel myself thrashing, and was scared for a while that I'd caused an epileptic fit somehow. Gina told me otherwise. She turned eleven during the school year last year, so she had to wait to come to Hogwarts. She's twelve now, and already has breasts. She explained that what I’d done was called masturbation, if you wanted to be clinical, or wanking, or teasing myself, or pleasuring myself. That epileptic fit was an orgasm, getting clinical again.
That was six hours ago, and my nipples are still hard and throbbing. They could be seen even through my blouse and my robes, according to Gina.
October 2
I seem to have a girlfriend - a lover.
I woke up to find Gina in my bed, and she was naked. She wasn't touching me at all, she was just looking at me.
I didn't know I could react to girls, but when I saw her body, I felt my heart start to pound, and I know she could hear my breathing change. My nipples got sensitive again, and she smiled, 'cause she couldn't help but see it, since my blankets were down around my waist and I was wearing a thin nightdress. I felt her hand slip under the covers, then come to rest on my leg for only a second before it slid up further, under the fabric, coming to rest on my underwear. It was only there for a second before she moved it across, and then began to rub me where I'd used my wand the night before, through my knickers.
I was moaning almost immediately, but jumped when her fingers slid under the leg of my knickers. Her fingers felt really good inside me, and I started to cry, according to her. Well, that's the wrong word. I was making a crying noise is better. She kept working and teased my clitoris occasionally with her thumb. I thought that my heart was going to explode out of my chest.
That wasn't it. Before I could come (that's what she tells me is a better word for describing an orgasm), she stopped, slid under the covers, and then slid my knickers off. I grabbed my pillow before she do anything. Good thing. When her tongue found my clit, I screamed. She drove me to no less that five orgasms that way. Then she slid up my body, bringing the gown with her. She caressed my breasts for a moment, making me shudder wonderfully, then sucked on my nipples for a few moments, making me come yet again.
She finally kissed my mouth, and I was surprised, both by her forcefulness, and how I kissed her back just as hard.
I think I'm in love. Am I supposed to be in love with a girl?
Holy shit! Harry thought to himself, moving uncomfortably in his chair as he realised just how he'd reacted to what he'd read. I am so glad that Hermione isn't here!
"Harry!" Hermione cried as she entered the room. Shit! I spoke too soon. "I just got here and was downstairs talking to Remus." She walked over to him, and he knew that his reaction wasn't going to go away any time soon. She was wearing a sky blue spaghetti-strap tank top and a soft summer-weight skirt that gave every indication of being at least mildly translucent. He wasn't going to stare to check, but if it was translucent, then she was the only thing under it. She's definitely the only thing under that shirt, he thought.
She pulled him to his feet and into a tight hug. She stiffened for a moment as their pelvises touched, and then she surprised him by melting against him. "Did I cause that, Harry?" she asked quietly.
"Yes and no. I've been reading Mum's journals from her days at Hogwarts, and she talks about her first times doing certain things. That started everything, and then you walk in looking like that and I knew that I wasn't going to be losing my reaction in the foreseeable future."
She loosened the hug for a moment and leaned back to stare at him in surprise. (He noticed that she was doing what she could to stay pressed against him below the waist.) "Harry?" she asked. "Like heck am I complaining about it, but you've never been this forward before."
"Well, it's not like I can really hide what you're doing to me, so I thought I'd do something unusual with you for once and tell you something important up front, rather than lying to you as I usually do, and forcing you to call me on my lies. You don't return the feelings, but you ought to know that somewhere along the line, I fell for you." He shrugged.
Her eyes widened. "Are you saying that you're in love with me?" she asked in a breathy voice.
"Well, yeah. I actually realised that little titbit just a few days ago. It was just me realising a state that had already been there. Then you walk in looking like that, and now I'm thinking things I shouldn't about you."
"Like finding out whether or not I'm wearing a bra?" she asked with a smile, pulling in closer and pressing her breasts against him.
"You're not," he strangled out. "No lines for the straps are visible, and … uh … you're … uh …"
"I'm pointing at you without bothering to use my hands?" she asked with an amused grin. "You've done that to me since fourth year, Harry - you've just never seen me without my bra before. I decided to throw caution to the wind when I was told that you were here already, and that the Weasleys weren't yet. I wanted the chance to talk to you without Ron around."
"What do we do about him?" Harry asked. "I think he fancies you."
"Tough. I love you, and you say that you love me. End of statement. Ron does nothing for me except as a friend." She paused. "Well, he does fill out his Quidditch trousers quite well, which causes a rather nice tingle, but I don't love him."
It was Harry's turn to goggle at her. "You … you love me back?"
She pulled his head down and gently placed a kiss on his lips, a kiss that grew quickly in intensity. When it finally broke, Harry found that one of his arms was around her back, and the other led to his hand resting rather firmly on her derriere. "Take that as a yes, Harry, and don't you dare move that right hand, Harry. I like it there just fine." He stopped trying to pull his hand away.
"Hermione, where are we going from here? I've only just discovered that I love you, and the way things feel right now, if we let this go any further, I'll have given you my virginity before the day is through."
She bit her lower lip for a moment. "To be honest with you," she said, breathing a little heavily, "I've wanted you to have my virginity since last year. I'm not going to say no if we go somewhere and get rid of some of this clothing."
"I'm scared," he admitted softly. "Your friendship means everything to me, and if we don't work as a couple, I'm afraid that I'll lose the one thing that means everything to me." His right hand came up to her back and he pulled her even tighter into a hug as he started to shake slightly.
"Shh," she said softly, resting a hand on his head. "It's all right, Harry. We're in this for the long voyage. We mean too much to each other to let something get in the way of our friendship. I think we'll simply strengthen it. You are my friend and my love, and I hope to make you my lover as well. I will not let something as silly as an argument get in the way of our friendship." She hugged him as his shakes slowly disappeared. "Are you feeling better now?" She felt him nod, so she pulled away far enough to kiss him again, a soft, gentle thing that promised a long time walking in the park holding hands, watching sunsets, and just generally being together. She deepened the kiss, and soon was suggesting long steamy nights of passion, making love on sandy beaches, roaming hands and mouths, and if not children, many efforts at them.
When they finally broke again, panting, he found that he was holding her up - both hands were gripping her rear end, and she had her legs wrapped around his waist. "If there isn't a bed involved soon, I may just cry," she breathed in his ear. "I want you, and I want you now." She paused and looked into his eyes. "Please?"
It was a hard fought battle between his body, which wanted to rip off all of her clothing and not bother with a bedroom to make love to her, and his mind, which respected her too much to simply use her body for his own baser urges, no matter how much she wanted it so. In the end, his mind won the day.
"I'm sorry," he groaned. "It's too early for us. I care about you too much. I'm sorry."
She stared at him for a long second before releasing him and running from the room, tears starting to fall. He watched her exit numbly, and continued to look at the spot where she'd been for a long several minutes before he finally walked upstairs to where Buckbeak had been housed until recently.He waved his wand and created multiple targets to practice on. As an afterthought, he decided to make them simulacrums of himself. He also strengthened the walls as best he could.
The curses began to fly at that point. He had decided that screaming out the spells was a sure way to let your opponent know what was coming their way, so he was training himself to cast with as little vocalisation as possible. He started small, with curses that wouldn't do much damage even if it were a person rather than a dummy, but soon was using bludgeoning curses and other things that would break bones.
He'd been fighting the dummies for thirty minutes or so when he stopped for a moment and looked at his likeness and felt his anger rise You bastard, he thought. Then the truly nasty curses came out - Cutting and Blasting curses mostly. Within ninety seconds, the room was filled with dust and the remnants of the simulacra. The head of one of them rolled to his feet. He looked at it for a long moment before putting the strongest damage resisting charms he could on the floor, "This is what you deserve, you bastard," he growled, and cast Reducto at the head, blowing it to dust. "And that's what you'll get when Tom is finally gone."
He heard a small gasp from the door and found Remus, Lily, and Hermione inside and offset from the door, looking in at him sadly, with understanding, and with horror, respectively. "I just thought I'd get in a little target practice. I needed to work off a little steam." He was out of the room before anyone could speak.
Beautiful, he thought. Now she's not only hurt at my rejection of her, but horrified and likely disgusted with my brutality. The day couldn't likely get much worse. He headed quickly for the master bedroom and slid behind the tapestry, heading down the stairs into the hallway, where he was surrounded by a darkness as black as his mood.
It was easily an hour later when he finally stood and decided to head back, this time going through the armoire. I suppose I should face the music. He headed down the stairs until he reached the study, where the other three sat talking. "Ah, Harry," Lily said with a smile. "You're back."
In a move that surprised Harry, Hermione was over the back of the loveseat and throwing her arms around him before he could even think. She didn't speak, instead choosing to hold him tightly and shiver a little.
"I'm sorry I scared everyone," he said quietly. "I figured that after I'd managed to both hurt and disgust Hermione in the span of about an hour, I should likely leave for a time, so I went somewhere to think."
"Brood is more like it," Lily said. "Don't think I haven't seen you and learned a lot about you this last week I've been active."
"I'm sorry," Hermione said softly. "I should have known that … you're too honourable to … I shouldn't have forced it, Harry, and I'm sorry for that."
"Hey, at least you got to see me for what I really am - someone so violent and destructive that you were horrified by my actions."
"No, I was horrified that I had made you so angry at yourself that … please don't, Harry. I love you, and I'm sorry that I was the catalyst for so much self-loathing. If I'd only been better at … well, with a boy they refer to it as 'keeping it in your trousers'. I won't put you in a position like that again, Harry. You did the right thing, and as much as my body is saying otherwise, I'll respect your decision."
"It's for the best anyway, Hermione," he said sadly. "I realised something as I sat alone for the last hour." He turned to Remus. "I need training, Remus. And I need a solicitor. Solicitor first."
"Why?" Hermione asked.
"I'm marked for death, Hermione. I'm not going to survive this war. My only hope is to take Tom Riddle with me when I go. To that end, I need to train to be in a better position to finish him off, and I need to have a will properly made so that my money does not end up in the hands of creatures like Fudge and Umbridge. More precisely, I need to keep it from Narcissa Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange, since that would mean that it would end up with Voldemort."
"Cissy's a Death Eater?" Lily asked in a stricken voice.
"No. She married one, though."
"We need to talk to her," Lily said. "I … she should … I want to talk to her before …"
"She was a friend in school, wasn't she?" Harry asked.
"More. She was my lover."
Author Notes:
Some very important conversations happen.