KenF posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 9:04pm for The End of the Beginning

I agree with your note. It was a fun story, though, even if it doesnt' really end at an 'end'.

Nanio posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 8:59pm for The End of the Beginning

I love your work. In honor of your work, I even tipped my hat to you by mentioning Lillibett’s leather in my story "Grim Decision" and asking your opinion on my Harry rant for Dumbledore. I love all of your works and still read them multiple times, and do not think badly of your skills. I just think that this story is not your best.

It's like a strip show. There’s always the promise of more, but you never really get it. This story had the chance of good action and politics, but I feel that it was shafted. I love your style normally, but this kind of story shouldn’t go by your usual style.

While you've written of War in the Magical world before, you didn't go the political route. In doing so here, the Angsty-I-will-roll-over-and-take-that giant-12-inch-unlubricated-double-dildo-in-the-ass Harry just doesn't work. The Harry needed to make this story just wasn't there. If you would’ve removed some of the more "Wah, I possibly lost my wives for something they consented to letting me do" and put in a little more confidence like the Harry from late in "Paradigm Shift," then the story would’ve worked better.

I understand you enjoy writing about sexual freedom and, while I think you’ve gone a bit too far out there for me, I had no problems with those aspects in this story. However, your need to put a lot of romance into this story took away from what you seemed to be building: political intrigue. That may not have been your intention, or you may feel that you covered that base, but you had the structure for a complex story about a revolution and you changed it into a flat, simple story of a Harry that wanted to change the world for his family but practically sat on his hands the entire time. The only time he fought it was defensively, and while you mentioned that fact yourself, history has shown that fighting a revolution is anything but defensive. Your Harry sounded like he knew what he was doing, but ended up making all the wrong choices before burning the Prophet and deciding to raid the Ministry building (which you made entirely too easy).

It’s like ordering a super-sundae that you thought would have 10 scoops of ice cream just to get a sundae with 3. From my perception as the reader, you seemed to be going for something you don’t normally write only to trip up and revert back, therefore causing this story to fall flat on its face.

dave gerecke posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 7:47pm for The End of the Beginning

I have liked what I have read. I wonder just what you have up your sleeve after this.
dave

Beau Wolff posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 7:24pm for The End of the Beginning

And is, as was expected, damnably impressive.

DJ posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 7:09pm for The End of the Beginning

Nice work but I see what you mean about the ending. I thnks it was a bit quick but still a fun story. Good luck with NaNoWriMo 2006.

jilumasam posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 6:38pm for The End of the Beginning

Well done!

Sean Dillon posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 6:21pm for The End of the Beginning

Wow. 50,000 words already. Doesn't hardly seem like it.

Yes, the ending was a trifle weak. The rest of the story was pretty good however.

Nightwing510 posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 6:01pm for The End of the Beginning

I enjoyed reading your story. I liked the way you had Harry be made the Minister of Magic.

Alex00 posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 6:00pm for The End of the Beginning

Geat work.

Ronnie McMains posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 5:57pm for The End of the Beginning

I think, in Harry's place, after what he'd seen at his parents' graves, I'd have killed all four of them with the first spell. Moral of the story: Piss off Harry Potter, and you'll regret it for the rest of your unnaturally short life.

As for Rufus, after his little performance at the end, I do hope they dig up some Dementors to keep him company.

So, now that the Ministry's under new management, will the Prophet be rebuilt, and it's owners told, "You should really try sticking to facts this time," or will the Quibbler be the only newspaper for the Wizarding World?

(Oh, by the way. Rita? You might want to start running now. I hear Alpha Centauri is nice this time of year...and it may even be far enough to keep Harry from wanting to come after you.)

Can't wait to see what your second project is (literally)!

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 5:57pm for The End of the Beginning

And now the challenging effort starts. A challenge that, IMHO< dwarves the cleaning of the Augean stables and contains just as much "fertilizer" as those fabled stables.

On the other hand, there's a good, sound, team in place to deal with things. *wicked chuckle* Perhaps Harry hadn't realized that "You break it - you buy it" applies in aresa besides retail?

Oldwolf posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 5:44pm for The End of the Beginning

And a superb project it was. I agree, the finale in the Minister's office did leave something to be desired, but other than that, an excellent chapter.

I'm worried about an insurrection though. The purebloods are not going to take the cuts in their power, or their abiliety to buy their way out of any legal problems, lieing down. Between them they do have the money and contacts to mount a full scale civil war. Just a bit of thought for your next project.