Ronnee posted a comment on Sunday 24th January 2010 1:52am
A very nice start. And it definitely looks like something I'm going to enjoy. I can't wait for the next few parts.
Rick D Gale posted a comment on Sunday 24th January 2010 12:54am
Thanks for writing (or posting) again. This looks like it will be a great story! I hope Harry can get someone to help him take on the 'powers-that-be' and teach them a lesson or two.
I look forward to your next chapter.
Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Saturday 23rd January 2010 7:01pm
This was a nice part here, enjoyed the intrigue that Hary's becoming a part of here, and will be curious what will happen with he and Hermione now, that she wants to make it right, and Dumbledore has come close to messing up their relationship for good. Will look forward to hopefully other new allies and friends Harry can make next time, and how the deal with the Gnomes will do financially to Britain.
Michael10 posted a comment on Saturday 23rd January 2010 5:09pm
Glad to see you back and giving us interesting stories. I hope this is the start of you working on some of the other stories you have as they are awesome. Keep up the good work.
Illusia posted a comment on Saturday 23rd January 2010 5:48am
I liked this. Harry surpasses his enemies expectations, and faces some problems without the goblins bowing to his needs. :) It's good to see him outside britain as well.
Now, Hermione was a dissapointment. Imperio is so used and so is her defence. I do hope Harry really doesn't see her or forgive her. I mean she's been like this many times over. Everyone also seems to be against Harry in Britain. Would be nice to see at least some of the sheep think differently. And of course so much adversity made it feel overwhelming but it also made me wanna read on and see how Harry is going to start paying them back.
Only time I was confused when Harry met that first foreign woman. I had to re-read it to see if he really blabbed everything to her and why she took it all like she did.
I really hope you update soon. Seeing how Harry is growing and finding his backbone is thrilling.
Christopher Estep posted a comment on Saturday 23rd January 2010 1:18am
For those of you wondering if you have seen this story before, if you follow either Kins' own Yahoo group, 3-or-4-Part Harmony, or Rotaryfile (the last two are also Yahoo groups, and I'm a co-moderator of the last), you have, as Betrayed is published in HTML format in the Files section of the latter two (and has been commented on in Kins' group, which I also frequent).
This chapter goes into Harry's first face-to-face with the gnomes (and why it's important later in the story) as well how he managed to successfully win the heart of Kaatje without trying. Also, Harry and Kaatje uncover how the goblins are screwing over wizarding Britain (completely separate from how DumbAsADoor is doing the same thing).
Tlcatlady posted a comment on Saturday 23rd January 2010 12:26am
That was another great chapter! 1% of all gnomish transactions in Britain should rather quickly cover 10% of his immediate vault value I'd think. I like his new friends. :) Thanks for the update. TLC
KenF posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 8:34pm
I've read this somewhere else, but I can't recall where at the moment. It was a good story, although my desire to personally maim Dumbles interfered with my enjoyment near the end.
sern posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 5:57pm
just read it, and it was excellent.the story has the potential to be one of the best on fanficauthors, and this is from someone who read most of the stories on this site.
most of the story was very good, though the greedy weasly thing is a bit over the top, and quite ooc. some redeeming aspects of the family will be apreaciated, though splitting the faily to good and bad sides is, in my opinion, kinda lame and shallow (and redemption unexplaned is about as bad). aside from that aspect im looking forward to read the next chapter soon, so update!
liquidfyre posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 2:25pm
INteresting Very Very interesting definately looking forward to where this is going.
LordNemesis posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 2:11pm
King I just thought of a way for Hermione to get in touch with Harry. A way that old dumb would never be able to interfer with. Hermione needs to call one House Elf we all know and think is quite crazy. DOBBY!!!!! we need you. He is after all insanely loaty to harry.
candor posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 1:51pm
Another enjoyable chapter! I look forward to reading the rest of this just like I have your other fanfics...thanks for your hard work!
Luke Reed posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 11:03am
Well done, both in getting a second chapter out so quickly, and for the quality of this second chapter.
I've read some of the reviews for this first chapter, and it seems I'm not the only one who feels as if Harry was too trusting, or that the girl he met knew too much, too fast. Even so, I still like how this is going.
In the second chapter, you seem to be developing how Harry's Mage Sight, as I defined it in the last review, works. He can now easily tell a witch from a none magical person, and with the second Portkey letter, it seems he is able to see the magic in them better, though as yet, you have shown now signs of him being able to tell what kinds of spells are on things, or even if this is a direction you will go in. If you do plan of going in this direction, then I would say that the pace at which you are developing his powers, is a good one. Not too fast, or too slow.
There did seem, in this chapter, to be a suggestion that Harry would in time go back to Hogwarts. That doesn't make any sense. He know things all his friends have betrayed him, even Hermione, as you highlight in this chapter. Why would he go back? He has, or will have, access to his estate, through the Gnomes, soon. It makes sense for him to eventually settle down, and either find a new school, or to get personal teachers.
This all, of course, depends upon the prophecy he heard from Dumbledor, being the true one. You have now started a thread which suggest that this might not be the case, or at least not the same prophecy he heard, though he still might have to kill Tom Riddle. If he doesn't have to defeat Tom, then it's possible that he can just fade away. It wouldn't make for a great story, and I rather think that Dumbledor and others would continue to look for him, but it stands as a possibility, in an unlikely one.
I like how you are developing Harry as a person. When his first friend (sorry, forgot the name), is taken by the second Portkey Letter, instead of running back to try and save her, he gets help, from the bank it seems. And with the second witch, though he wants to have sex, he is resolved not to, because of his own moral code. I've seen a few too many fics where Harry suddenly had supper powers, and has a harem of girls, or moves from one to another, rather rapidly, and either they except this, or they don't like him for it, but it doesn't stop the next girl from doing the same thing. So, I prefer a HP with some sort of moral code, which he at least tries to stick to.
Well, Can't think of anything else.
So, till the next chapter, looking forward with hope.
james73 posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 7:17am
You really need to improve your writing.The dialogue is just "telling", the plot unoriginal,everything Harry does is just too easy and everyone seems to be accommodating a complete stranger.I could tell you a lot of phrases that made me eye roll but there are too many.Get a beta and don't make everyone help Harry from the goodness of their hearts.Where's the motives,where's the realism?Read some more fanfiction and get ideas about your style.It needs a lot of polishing.With all that being said,I would really like to see the idea executed sometime correctly.
windscar posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 7:05am
Glad to see you still writing. I'm enjoying the plot and am looking forward to see what happends in the first encounter between Harry and Hermione, hopefully a good one ;). Can't wait for Harry to give those traitors get their comeupins. Hope Bill, Charley, Fred, and George are on Harry's side.
prateek91 posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 6:44am
Good work on this chappie!!
LordNemesis posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 3:50am
My friend if you make this a harem story here are two for Harrys girls. Hermione, and most defiantly Heidi!!!!! And I love harem storys. More story please its great.
katrina posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 1:58am
Another chapter already - wonderful. So Harry has moved on - looking forward to Dumble's turning up and finding out how deep Remus is in it
Potter Thinker posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 1:06am
NICE! But really, make sure Harry gets laid soon okay?
Carol Layland posted a comment on Friday 22nd January 2010 12:13am
You really are one of my very favorite authors. I have spent the entire day up on your new site and now this very lovely chapter to add to Betryal. All I can really say is Thank yu so very much for a very enjoyable day.